A while ago my wife showed me this article on women claiming second virginity. I find the topic interesting because I have come to appreciate purity, innocence, chastity more and more as I walk with Christ and realize how I threw so much away in my foolish youth. Our culture has no place for values such as these and even mocks them. Some have tried to claim a “technical virginity,” but this surely is not purity. I write this first to encourage parents to make this a priority while raising girls and BOYS. (Notice the article only mentions girls being taught abstinence.) There are a few things that you can give away cheaply and your innocence is certainly high on the list (and I am not just talking about having sex). Do not fall into the LIE that experiencing this world is good for making well-rounded persons and they will have to see the real world sometime. A child’s innocence should be a parent’s #2 priority after teaching them the gospel.
Second, the issue is an interesting one when asking what does a new convert think and do after his precious innocence is gone. Of course we are talking about sex out of marriage but there are numerous ways of losing innocence–marriage infidelity, movies, etc. Well, the answer is not to have surgery so you can have the physical facade of purity. The answer is to cleanse one’s heart, mind, memories, and desires striving for renewal. Just as Paul calls the Romans to renew their minds and not be conformed to this world, so too we all must be aware of the oversexualized culture we live in and seek protection, barriers, and accountability. We should in fact be a Holy club.

So, for those who do wrestle with desiring a second virginity and the guilt that comes from such past mistakes, let me offer you this. I was reading Augustine’s On the City of God (book 1, chs 18-20) and I came across his discussion of virgins committing suicide before the barbarians had a chance to take what was so precious to them–their chastity. He argues that this was clearly sinful because they committed murder. He goes further to state that the virgins would not have even lost their purity if they had been raped because it was not their lust that committed the act, but the lust of another. Purity is a state of the mind and the soul, and just because one’s physical body has been attacked does not mean one has lost their unwavering self-control and devotion to God. He even argues that one has lost purity if still physically innocent when walking to another’s house intent on committing sexual sin (obviously based on Matt 5:27-30). Maybe Augustine has too much division between the mind/soul and the body, but I think he is on to something. I completely agree that one has not lost purity of heart when attacked by another. Of course there are difficult memories and feelings that come with such a crime and I do not want to make light of this. What I do want to do is spin off of what Augustine states about the act of another and give some hope to those with guilty consciouses that purity is attainable.

Aaron’s change of topic probably has growing relevance for 3ABC. A lot more relevance than the penguins. A year ago we hardly had single people in our church and now we have a growing number — some of whom, I am told, are “interested” in each other. I seem to be one of the last to know such things however. Aaron, what advice from the articles you have linked to, or from your pastoral experience, would you give to the single folk in our church today? What advice would you give to the rest of the church to help those who are single?

Thanks for the word on “missional” — now for something completely different.  Thanks to Justin Taylor I noticed my friend Michael Lawrence, associate pastor at Capitol Hill Baptist, has an article called Stop Test-Driving Your Girlfriend.  At the same website is an article by Matt Schmucker, 9Marks ministry director, Physical Intimacy and the Single Man, and Scott Croft, CHBC elder, has an essay entitled, What Does a Biblical Relationship Look Like?  Good stuff, even if it is unrelated to the word, “missional.”

Today at Common Grounds Online, I review Holding Hands, Holding Hearts, a book on dating by Rick and Sharon Phillips. Previously, they led the singles ministry at Tenth Pres. As I mention in the review, I like the book. A few weeks ago, Greg and I talked about dating at Third and I thought much of what we discussed is brought out in this book.