Jessica Connell has a great post over at CBMW on being a mother. Being a father of two girls, I was especially encouraged to read her “Letter To My Daughter.” You will be too.
On a related personal note, my wife keeps a journal addressed to our two daughters, and Lord willing she’ll be able to give it to them one day when they are mothers. Unbeknown to me, my mother did the same until I was eighteen years old. She gave it to me as a gift upon having our first child. I’ll periodically read it recalling my mother’s joys and frustrations. I never cease to be emotionally moved to read of my mother’s selfless love and devotion.
The sacrifices mothers make for their children are countless and often unnoticed. As a father, I’ll never be able to fully understand such selflessness, especially as they give their whole body over to their children. So pray for the mothers of your churches. Husbands and fathers, don’t cease to thank your wives for their service. It is not something to be taken for granted.
A couple weeks ago Aaron asked a question about how we disciple our families. The time that it would take to give a thoughtful answer to that question has, in part, kept me from replying. I will make this initial brief reply — and it is the church. Over the last several years I have invested a lot of time in the church so that my family has a place to hear the word of God preached faithfully and to be encouraged by others. I know that this isn’t the answer that Aaron was necessarily looking for, but then I’m the one who refuses to name my children in this very public venue. I may say more, but at least I’ve posted. — Furthermore, I haven’t had time to post because I have been discipling my family!
Sunday night I gave some remarks about discipling at Third Avenue. I’ve summarized a portion of the talk for Common Grounds here. In the summary I focus on one-on-one discipling. However, at church I mentioned that I view discipling as a series of concentric circles.
The largest, outer circle is corporate discipling. We are discipled through the teaching ministry of the church as well as through the encouraging presence of Christians gathering together on the Lord’s Day.
The next circle is the family. The family is not less important than the congregation, but it is smaller–thus a smaller concentric circle! We should not overlook the fact that discipling ought to be taking place in the context of Christian familes. This means Christian husbands should take responsiblity for the spiritual growth of their wives and children.
The next circle is one-on-one relationships.
The center of the circle, which I did not talk about on Sunday evening, would be every individual believer’s relationship with God. This is not to be ignored.
After I spoke, a couple guys asked for some more information on what discipling one’s wife practically looks like. Does it mean we throw away the tv and read Pilgrim’s Progress to our wives for three hours every night? So many men–including myself–want to faithfully lead their wives. Some direction is in order. Truth be told, I think this will look differently in different families. What does it look like in your family? Greg, Keith, Bruce–any wisdom here?
I was going to make my obligatory comment about submission and then change the subject. But I happened to be reading something by M. Lloyd-Jones this morning that I think relates to the question about submission. Because of the problems with feminism, authority, etc. submission has become an issue for the culture and the church. Unfortunately, it has also become one of those “tests” by which we assess other Christians. Lloyd-Jones, in talking about these “tests”, remarks that outward tests on questions like this can often lead to assessing our Christianity by outward behavior or statements. While these questions are important, “The motive is more important than the action.” Submission of the heart for children, women and men is finally more important than what you say about it.
I guess I was nominated by the elders to serve the church because they have spent their thoughts on various topics and need fresh blood to continue the blog. It’s tempting to say that this has happened because these young pups haven’t learned to pace themselves, but in truth everyone is being “overtaken by events”, or OBE as an old friend of mine liked to say.
With some reluctance, I will toss out a few comments on this recent topic of submission. Many good things have been said already by my fellow elders. Keith asked the question primarily in reference to children and then additionally about wives. Regarding children, I think the most important thing to teach them is obedience. Shepherding a Child’s Heart is a good book for new or prospective parents and helpfully reminds us that the first and most important thing for children to learn is to obey their parents. Honor of course comes along with obedience. Obeying your parents is a Biblical command, but scripture shows us that this relationship between parent and child is unque in that the parent has a position akin to “creator” over their child. There is responsibility for the one created and an honor due to the one creating.
I think the church can best support parents and families not by bending herself to conform to the support of the family (some Evangelicals seem to approximate something like an Asian worship of the family itself) but by teaching the whole of scripture. For example, don’t cancel a Sunday evening service on Easter so that members can have time with their families. Instead, meet and learn of Christ who is the firstborn of the new creation, and as such has a position of honor over the church . . .
Keith asks about the role of parents raising kids and the role of husbands shepherding wives. About the children, first, you asked, Keith, “How do you teach your children to submit and how can the church come along side of you?” Great questions. Here’s a very brief response.
First, Deana and I aim to model the Christian life for our kids. It is our intention that they would see us humbling ourselves before the Lord, submitting to His authority in very practical ways. Second, we seek to discipline our children firmly and lovingly. I remember talking to a friend who has older kids (college and high school) about discipline. He gave me great, simple advice: “Be consistent.” In my household, this will mean not only teaching them to know when they can expect to be disciplined but helping them understand sin, sin against their parents and, more importantly, sin against God. We want to consistently point them to the Cross and teach them that their only hope is found in Christ’s suffering and resurrection. Third, I’m especially helped by the biblical commands to fathers in Eph. 6:4 and Col. 3:21, “do not provoke your children” lest they be led to anger or discouragement. It’s obvious but my attitude and actions toward my kids affects them. So, instead of leaving them discouraged I want to leave them encouraged. I want them to see that submitting to the authority of their their mom and dad is a privilege and a joy. This is a tall order because they are sinners . . . but this is my prayer. Fourth, we pray for them daily, that they would learn to submit to us and to God.
Keith, here is a start to your questions . . . more later.
I asked Greg many-a-blog-ago how others can participate in a church member’s family. How do you teach your children to submit and how can the church come along side of you? Yes, this is my third try at getting something, but Aaron was away vacationing in NY and Jonathon was researching during the blog. Maybe they have something to add?
If not, maybe they will respond to the analogous relationship concerning the wives. The Bible teaches that wives are to submit to their own husbands. What does this mean? Should we, loving our wives as Christ loved the church, tell them to submit? Maybe even look into what this relationship is supposed to look like. Well fathers and husbands–bless us with your wisdom.
